too bad you live with your parents still
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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