i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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