There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
