u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
