I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
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