And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
