Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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