Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
