its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
