You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
