so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
