Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
