I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
