Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
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He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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