I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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