you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
