i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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