hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
