i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
