Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
