thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i think im in europe. pls send help
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
