you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
