Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
