happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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