I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
