I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
