i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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