You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Me. At least after what I've been through.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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