I just threw up on my dentist
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
