she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
