i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Rumble strips road head = magical
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
