Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
