I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
