I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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