Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
