i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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