ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The struggles of a small town man whore
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
