The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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