That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
