I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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