You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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