You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
