It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
