just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
