I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
