just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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