fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize