dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
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