It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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