What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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