I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
