Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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