just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
