This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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