funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
