Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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