walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We have started to decorate penises.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
