What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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