Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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