hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
did i just pee glitter
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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