john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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