Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
