life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
