this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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