Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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