Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
