Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
