Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
