Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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