The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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